at times there is a heaviness to your breathing that leaves me sitting with the last five months in my mouth. there is a wonder and a concern and a dissatisfaction that could never go away or could disappear in one year. there is a tropical rainforest awaiting exploration and dance steps that are yet untaken, but for now there is a seed. it is filled with something that i cannot see for i am too afraid to crack it open and look inside. peeking may result in a knowledge that is unfair to posses. but certainly, there cannot be a doubt, how i do love you. life can sometimes sit in a hammock, swaying in the breeze between two curved trunks that are marked with knife points and with the end of its own sharpened branches. at these times lovers names are scoured for infinite time into the supporting boles of eternity. a serene moment life enjoys at these points, and it smiles down at me, sucking on sugar cane and laughing at the unimportance of tooth rot. and then life is looming not in a hammock but it seems hanging from a thick gnarled rope. its face is blue and i cannot bear to look at the gore of its imminent death because in me it stirs a fear much too great for everyday ordinariness. but those are the dark moments and as quick as they are to overtake me, they are quick to leave me, blown away by your heavy breathing. I balanced all, brought all to mind, the years to come seemed waste of breath, a waste of breath the years behind, in balance with this life, this death.